Sunday, November 7, 2010

What If?

What if something distant and unknown became dear and familiar to you?

What if the tiny speck that meant nothing engulfed your every sense?

What if the truth that you knew turned out to be one grand whole lie?

What if in darkness you found the light that you always sought?

What if the past that you discarded forced itself into your future?

What if songs that were dead played again and made your heart beat in a new rhythm?

What if closure brought you closer?

What if confusion and uncertainty gave you bliss?

What if your weakness became your greatest strength?

What if blue became your

Would you still be you?

Saturday, August 28, 2010

In Search Of

Wild and free
Sea winds of my mind,
Waves of illusions.
Ripples that bind,
This world and that,
Like hands entwined.

Moist breezes,
Twilight looms,
Leaves rustle,
In a familiar tune.
But alas!The ears they lie,
The leaves were not what they used to be.

This sky is that,
Blue and one,
The mind reasons,
What the heart doth shun.
Morning dies,
In want of a sun.

Moist breezes,
Twilight looms,
Moist eyes,
Filled with gloom,
Looks through the haze,
For that world,
The eternal womb.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

So I Leave My Boats Behind

One of the first concepts you learn as a student of Economics is that, of trade-off.
A seemingly innocuous word,it is fundamental to the subject in so many ways.In addition to that,it has a deeper philosophical meaning.Tricky concept,I tell you.
Ask the Rolling Stones.They hit the nail on the head.

"You can't always get what you want,
But if you try sometime,you might find,you get what you need."

But then what if my wants and needs are one and the same?

I've got what I wanted for so,so long.And Lord knows,that's what I need too!
I've dreamt of this throughout my undergraduate years.
To study in one of the best departments in India,under some of the most eminent professors,among some of the most intellectual students and in that unbelievable campus where one can break free.Leaving home was implicit to this dream and I hadn't wasted my sleep on that.

But now when I have to go,REALLY GO,the truth hits hard.
Every tiny nook and cranny of my home breaks my heart.
The sofa which I used to bump into everyday,scream out some expletives and get a scolding from Ma on how callous I was.
Those little toys on my bedstead that has borne the brunt of so many of my fits of angers.I broke them and mended them and now it's their turn.
My bed.So many lazy afternoons,rolling and tumbling with a story book in my hand;staying awake the whole night(well,almost) before exams,right from school with heaps of notes and books strewn all over;those long phone calls in the dark;crying myself to sleep;the drama every morning to wake up :it has been there,seen all of that.
My desk,which is NEVER in order,but now.My wardrobe,which made Ma faint everytime she opened it is now empty.
I just have to look around and the tears,they come.

And then there's Ma.
Dad's there too.But the man can cope better.He's gonna eat all the chocolates in the fridge,listen to music all night,be cranky,sleep and snore and give me a zillion phone calls to keep evil and boys at bay and somehow get by.
But Ma.She has always been the 'silent lucidity' type.And I know how difficult it is going to be for her.She has promised to drown herself heart and soul in research,but I know,in the heart of hearts,that's not going to be enough to keep the void away.Just as in my case,a new city,new friends,a new life can never replace her.Where else will I get my Mommycuddle,my punching bag,my greatest inspiration?

There are so many people I'll miss.Funny thing is I didn't even meet all of them on a daily basis.I'll miss Dadu and Didu,although I have a sneaky feeling Didu,as soon as she gets hold of my number,is going to drive me crazy calling me up ten times a day to make sure I haven't accepted food from strangers!!I'll miss my GuruMa,and my music classes.I'll miss riyaaz.I'll miss my hapless driver,my gardener,my neighbours,my walk-in-the-park friends,especially the Dadus.I'll miss my Xerox Aunty.I'll miss the Phuchka man.I'll miss my friends back home: PriD,the marathon phone conversations,the inane text messages,the cold wars,the drunken-library-jaunts and Sumo,the movie sessions,the talks,the questions that made me cringe,the Sumoisms that are so dear to me. I'll also miss the ones who are elsewhere : Oi,Punch,N,Ob.I'll miss my college,beautiful and ancient.The corridors,the rooms,the canteen,Paramount,College Street,Einstein-Xerox Dadu and so on.
I'll miss that particular crust of the sky I see from my window.

I could go on and on about what I'd miss and what I'm leaving behind.
But I would be lying if I said that every now and then,my heart does not give a skip and I don't shiver with excitement thinking of the unknown road ahead.
That is the classic trade-off.
I'll try dealing with it.
How well,time will tell.

I don't know when I'll be blogging again.
Or maybe I'll start a new one.
But this will be a part of me,just as all the things and persons I've mentioned in this post are.

I raise my glass to the old and the new.
With love.

"So I leave my boats behind,
Leave them on familiar shores.
Set my heart upon the deep,
Follow you again my Lord.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Silver Bubble

It is midnight and I'm here, perched on my chair.
I have just finished painting my nails with considerable degree of difficulty.
I was never very good at it and never did show much improvement either.
I'm trying to keep my toes as far away from one another to prevent further damage.
But I like looking down on my painted toe-nails, in its restrained vibrancy of mute silver.

I just finished watching Up in the Air.
It does paint with beautiful poignancy certain facts of life.
Excess baggage or no baggage, both lands you in a fix.
Career goals or no career goals, both can make you look like a living embodiment of failure.
Commitment or no commitment, both offers suboptimal solutions. The former can leave you hurt and betrayed. The latter, makes you look like a cold hearted conniving man-eater.
Freedom of choice allows you to put yourself in chains.
Existentialism. Thou art a puzzle!

Clouds are pretty, aren’t they?
They lack specificity.
Life’s pretty too.
(Not always. Like right now.)
However, I never liked the cloud imagery for life.
It’s fundamentally flawed.
Life is specific. Its cause is existence. Its result: death.
Joni Mitchell might have looked at both clouds and life from both sides and concluded that she really didn’t know either, but that doesn’t qualify clouds to be a metaphor for life.
I've come across several people interpreting Both Sides Now in that way.
You cannot say it is wrong, but it peeves me!

Every cloud might have a silver lining.
Life doesn’t.
But my toe-nails do.

Deal with it.
I do while “looking down on creation”.
Even, if it is patchy in places.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Proof Of Life

Life has been on hold for sometime now.My blog bears testimony to that.My last post was last year.Years changed,months too,but the date of the last post has been the same for almost five months.

Yes,inspirations have had a recessionary trend.But there have been a few upswings.Some big enough for me to have typed up a flurry of words,but I've kept away.Rather,been forced to keep away.There has been a lot of stress and work,let downs and time crunch,brought on by varied affairs of this great plan called life.And I have been making an effort to beat the doldrums.The uncertainty of my situation here isn't helping much.

Crossroads make for great songs.The multiple choice questions it deals you in life are quite cumbersome otherwise.

My blog has never been another social networking site for me.My first blog post clarified that.It doesn't matter whether I have millions of readers.I don't give details of my relationships,I don't carry out character dissection and social homicide of people I don't like and I'm faintly controversial.However it is comforting to know that in spite of that there are some people,and a few (pleasantly surprising) like minded ones,who are regular readers of my irregular posts.The number of followers have doubled since the last time I checked and I am moved.Some, have even been worried regarding my long sabbatical.And although my blog isn't an obligation,I think I owe all of you an explanation.And hence this post.

When you put a caller on hold for too long,chances are that you won't find him waiting when you at last manage to get back.The line goes dead on the other end.
I don't want my blog to die that way.
I don't want it to be a self-indulgent,temporary obsession that fades away into oblivion.

This post,dear reader,is your proof.