Friday, December 28, 2012

Go Away From My Window

I have a problem.
A problem to cut loose.I cut but I also lose.A good part of me and myself.
I am tired of that.
I am tired of attachments .
It wreaks havoc in my mind when it starts to fray.And when it eventually tears, I find myself in this godforsaken vacuum.
It irks me to think the space it took up to leave behind a vacuum that big.

“Clouds,Illusions I recall”…I really don’t know people at all.
All my life, it has been the same story.
I misread people.
I think for the longest time they are what they are until I become emotionally attached.
I depend on them. For the good times and the bad.
With time,I have cut down on expectations.Yes,I probably am a slow learner,but I adapt and account for historic evidences.
But then,like an inevitable eventuality,it happens.
One small little thing, that changes my whole perception of a being.

And I am sick of it.
Sick to my guts to see friends become strangers.
It takes me a long time to heal.
In some cases I don’t.
And I could do with fewer wounds.

Someone once told me,after I ended things,that I was emotionally unavailable.
I thank him.
My mistake was that I was not.I need to be.For some time now lest a gangrene sets in.

New Year’s resolution you ask?
Emotionally unavailable. Indefinitely.
Don’t care to knock.